Diary of a Hangry Bikini Competitor

Where to start....My name is Lindsey Kangas and I am competing in a Fitness Bikini Show in 4 days.  Now let's get one thing straight.  My name and bikini should NOT be in the same sentence.  Should NOT I tell you.  I was always the "big boned" kid.  You know the one who hid in sports because well I was good at them and I didn't feel like I had to be pretty.  In my mind I was, on a good day, cute.  That was a stretch.  Now fast forward 25+ years later and I am staring down the now short path to an extreme goal. 

I attended my friends now turned coaches' own fitness show last May.  I was thinking what is this they have worked so hard for and why?  I thought it was all weird and expected something totally different than what I saw.  I saw amazing women on stage showing off some major hard work, stretch marks and all.  I left inspired and in June began my own journey.  Now I am 4 days away from stepping on stage in a BIKINI!  A bikini with TONS of padding....mother of three Ya'll.  You ladies KNOW what I am talking about.  Anyway, I am freaking out and very excited and then freaking out again.  My diet is minimal and my workouts are rigorous.  I am Hangry and weepy and a little crazy.  I cannot stop dreaming about French fries with a side of Donuts. 

I am doing this for several reasons.  I needed to desperately change the way I view food.  A dear friend once told me years ago "you must eat to live not live to eat."  I come from a long history of binge eating and emotional eating.  I also want to love myself in my own skin.  I'm not sure I ever have.  I still, 4 days out find myself making comparisons and honestly when I get up on that stage THAT will be my victory.  I want to belong up there.  I have put in the work and now I just pray I don't fall or a body part pops out of that tiny so called bathing suit.  I had my nails done, I put in extentions, and I will get hair, make-up and a crazy stage tan done the day of the show.  I will wear blingy jewelry and just feel pretty probably for the first time in my life. 

This is it.  Been working towards this since June of last year.  Working out, eating better more frequently (high protein of course), lifting weights, taking suppliments, cut out drinking (HARD), no more real bacon (only temporary), shaved my BACK, obsessed about my cheat meals, made my coaches crazy, made my husband crazy, been made fun of, inspired my daughter that strong is beautiful.  I am 35 pounds lighter and have muscles!!  All of my labs are good and guess what?  No Migraines!  I went off of my daily Rx 4 months ago AND all of my horrible IBS symptoms have disappeared.  When I started this Blog I was 4 days out.  Now due to brain fog, irritability, and overall fear I am finishing this the day before I walk on stage.  I cannot thank the endless support I have received from everyone in my life.  Here we go y'all!  36 hours and counting! I am scared but I am just going to do it scared. Sometimes we have to.

Lindsey