A little Dity Bout Me....

Happy New Year to All!  May it be a Challenging God Led New year filled with lots of laughter and love!!  I felt led today to change gears and talk about me a little bit.  I had to write about an experience I had this past Sunday.  A couple of weeks ago I was working through a worksheet for a bible study I am in.  This bible study is all about deep healing.  Not physical healing but emotional healing.  The worksheet I was doing was pick a painful event from your past and write down how it made you feel and invite God into your healing process. That's it.  No magical poof and you are better just simply right down your feelings and invite God in to begin to work in that particular event.  Sounds fun?  Oh yeah..Not really!  Many times when we dig up old things it brings back the hurt just as much as when it first happens.  Anyway I chose to work through how it made me feel when my mother left my father many many years ago. I was surprised when I did it that I had always felt because she left that I thought she never wanted to be a mother so because of that lie I would never be a good mother.  That I would never have maternal instincts.  That because she left I didn't have them in me.  I even started remembering that I would tell people all the time that children hated me and I don't have maternal instincts.  I would never have children.  Well we all know that yes I do have children.  Three of them. ANYWAY...so I did this worksheet and invited God into healing that pain.  Of course I didn't feel anything but the pain but trusted the process. 

So this past Sunday was my weekend to work with the two year olds.  I volunteer at my church once a month.  Not because I ever really want to but because I feel since I have 3 in childcare I figure it is my duty!  HA!  Again no maternal instinct and kids come on "THEY HATE ME!"  So I was sitting on the floor waiting for kids to come in.  We only had two at the time and the little door open and this little girl I had only seen once runs from her dad and into my arms.  She gave me the best bear hug in the world.  Then grabbed a book and plopped down in my lap and said read!  Pretty soon I had about three others around waiting to see what was on the next page. I was thinking that was weird.  Then off to the play park and we had a new little girl by that time and if her mommy was going to abandon her in this horrible new place then I would do as a replacement.  And she sat with me for a good 10 minutes until she mustered up her courage and figured out the play park was a pretty cool place after all.  (and just to make you parents feel better..the whole I'm gonna cry because you left me is purely an act.  Of course they miss you but they really wanna see how long they can string you along and keep you from missing your mommy time in worship or running errands etc. and make you feel guilty.  9 times out of 10 they stop crying the moment they figure out you aren't coming immediately back and that is usually before you are even out of sight. Clever little things!  :-)   Then in worship and story time I was sitting on the floor with the kids and looked around and realized again I had about three children all snuggled into me. These were kids I didn't even know that well. Guess what happened next? I heard that tug in my heart say..."See those were all lies this whole time.  Look what you can do by just being present with my children.  You love them and they love you.  THAT is why you are here volunteering.  Yes you have a maternal instinct that I gave you and NO ONE can take away."  What a day!!  What a class.

I felt led to share this with you because it just fuels our fight for Bryson.  Not just in the court rooms.  Yes my divorce happened and he will have questions and heartache from that for probably a VERY long time and we are choosing NOW to get him the help and protection and healing he needs through church, therapy, doctors, stable environment, court action if warranted...anything we need to do to raise him up healthy and whole.  This letter is for encouragement that any age anything is possible to invite God in to stomp out the lies.  Heck my mother divorced my father when I was 7 years old. And last time I checked this past Sunday I was 34 and still realizing the lies the enemy told me way back when.  Someone told me recently that we hear three voices in our head....ours, God's and the enemies.  To me the enemy speaks loudest so is easiest to hear.  God whispers so I really have to take time and listen.  Know that you are beautiful, you are a great mother and father, you are loved by God no matter what you do but who you are, that He made you in His image and He is perfect, that you are capable of anything. I will tell you I do not blame my mother for my feelings..those are mine that I made my reality but God is making them my story.  I won't take them back either even if I could.  These things we grow from.  But I can tell you we are doing everything we can to quiet those lies with Bryson and let him know he is loved and made in God's image.  Seek healing people for anything...God wants us whole!  Wonder what this year will hold guys?  I look forward to walking this journey with each of you! Happy Happy New Year!!!!

Much Much Love, Lindsey K. 

So do you think Jesus likes to Spoon?

 Got your attention?  :-)  I am opening with today's excerpt from my daily devotional Jesus Calling!  It is written as if Jesus is directly talking to you backed by scripture below.  Enjoy!


I am working on your behalf!  Bring me all your concerns, including your dreams.  Talk with Me about everything, letting the Light of My Presence shine on your hopes and plans.  Spend time allowing My Light to infuse your dreams with life, gradually transforming them into reality.  This is the very practical way of collaborating with Me.  I, the Creator of the Universe, have designed to co-create with you.  Do not try and hurry this process.  If you want to work with Me, you have to accept My time frame.  Hurry is not in My nature.  Abraham and Sarah had to wait many years for the fulfillment of My promise, a son.  How their long wait intensified their enjoyment of their child!  Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, perceiving as real fact what is not revealed in the senses. Psalm 36:9, Genesis 21:1-7, Hebrews 11:1

How great is that??  Or how frustrating???  HA!  Depending how long in your "wait" you are huh? 5 minutes..not so bad...5 days..nah...5 years..Where are you God???  It's hard!  I think we are in our 5th year in the midst of Category 5 Hurricane Bryson.  It calms and then rages..and then rages again..Now....finally...we are in this place where we are in utter dependence on the Lord.  Got told yesterday our case isn't priority...Huge Wave.  Looking for flights to send Bryson to his father's for Christmas...Crash..Wave to the face.  Well we finally surrendered to Jesus sleeping in our boat and have taken up residence next to him..Pulled up that comfy pillow and are trying to get a little shut eye ourselves.  Gonna make a Jesus sandwich!  HA! Right there in the middle of our "wait" and the middle of our raging storm!    Praise God for Him sleeping in that boat!  Now I may need a little Benadryl to help me sleep..But that's okay!  I consider you guys my Benadryl..Constant prayer my Benadryl...Crying and leaning on God my Benadryl but guys I am sleeping finally and waiting...  It's nice over here!  Whatever happens Jesus is sleeping so he isn't worried so why should I.  I have a promise of victory and of healing and it will be worth the wait! 


Love you guys and hope you have a great wave less day...but if they come..put on one of those awesome dollar tree ponchos and get a little wet.  God's got ya!


HUGS

Take down your No Soliciting Sign just for me

Hey Guys!  Hope everyone is doing well!  We are doing exceptionally well considering and reflecting where we were just a few short weeks ago.  It's actually amazing.  Okay so I am soliciting your prayers in a BIG way.
Legal UPDATE:  So in order for us to proceed here with our legal stuff all of my paperwork, i.e divorce papers, orders to relocate to Colorado must be "moved" to Colorado jurisdiction. So in order to do that we have to send off for exemplified documents from Florida (a nightmare) and file them in Colorado.  Well some good news.  Our attorney in Florida, when she drafted our orders to relocate, inserted a little statement saying jurisdiction now moves with the child and both his father and myself signed off on this back in September of 2011.  SO.........it all comes down to one person.  Will this judge allow this paperwork as sufficient enough to move jurisdiction without having to jump through the hoops of serving the paperwork and waiting the 30 days. 

So I ask that you pray for God's will to work.  I ask that you pray for us to be strong whatever that will be. I ask if we get this order and go before the Judge we have the evidence needed to move forward with the emergency stop. I ask for you to pray for protection if Bryson has to go this Christmas.  I ask for you to pray that if Bryson has to go that Bryson is the influence this time NOT his father!  That Christ works through him!  That his father sees the change in Bryson and is influenced in a positive way.  This break will be only 6 short days if it happens...IF.  We serve a mighty God and we are obedient in whatever comes our way..it is our strength and our journey.  You guys are a part of it. 

Let me just tell you one more Praise report...  So we were meeting our attorney and preparing our evidence when we have to go before a judge because guys literally when we file this emergency order we can be sitting before a judge the Very next day! SO she says to us after hearing everything, "this stuff is all well and good but we need someone outside of you guys linking this with his father, or the judge could say maybe it's you guys."  Nice huh?  Anyway Bryson has been seeing this therapist.  He formed such a tight bond with him almost immediately.  (He has since referred him to a specialist but we continue to see him in tandem because of this bond)Now before we started seeing him we signed a little paper saying he would never testify in court on behalf of any client. And yes I did say we signed that! Anyway guess who Bryson has chosen to open up to the most...Yep good ole Mr. Therapist!  From telling him that he is fearful of his father to His father tells him women are dumb!  Bryson's new therapist hasn't reached a deep level of connection with him mainly because she is a women and lo and behold there are ZERO male Psychologists that specialize in children wouldn't you know it.  Anyway so our attorney says we really need this part of the missing puzzle. 

Now Bryson had an appointment with his therapist that following Saturday and Gary and I started praying about this.  gary said I am just going to ask him for a letter.  I said heck it wouldn't hurt.  God is bigger than this or any piece of paper we signed anyway right?  HA!  yeah we were both very skeptical..but we knew basically our whole emergency order hinged on this very thing.  So Saturday rolled around and we prayed about this letter and then prayer well if it doesn't work out God you must have another plan.  Gary came home an hour later and said "he's gonna do it!"  And guys I had that letter in my Inbox in a matter of 1 hour!!!  You guys this was another miracle!!!!  This therapist was so set on this policy!!!  AMAZING!!!!

We love you guys so much!  Forward this blog to as many as will read!  We need and solicit for prayers!!  Thanks for everything!!!!

Pssss...It's Gone.

"Psssss.It's Gone."  Words I will NEVER forget hearing on Tuesday, November 20th. 

Hope everyone had a Wonderful Thanksgiving!  We have SOOO much to be thankful for this year!  Number one we are so very thankful for the Prayer support we are receiving from people all over this country!!  What mighty warriors you are!  And boy is God hearing!  Do NOT stop!  That is an Order Team Kangas!  Also Many Thanks to the outpouring of overwhelming financial support as well!  What a mighty God we serve!!  May each of you be blessed!

You know every other Tuesday our church offers a Ministry called The Healing Rooms.  You go and tell people what you want prayer for and a team prays for you.  Pretty simple.  Well I had taken Bryson to this before.  Didn't seem to work that well.  The next time it came around HE asked to go.  I said okay.   We got to the church and got called back to our room to be with our assigned team.  It was a team of four.  They immediately sat down to get on Bryson's level and he sank into me so far I thought he was trying to become invisible!  He was very very shy.  They made sure they respected him and asked him if they could pray over him.  He of course said yes.  Immediately they started praying words of encouragement and words of affirmation.  They also started praying words to break generations curses.  They prayed over his mind and set his anger free.  They prayed for him to be filled with peace and rest.  Now this all lasted about 45 minutes.  And towards the end of this awesome prayer session he leaned over and whispered..."Pssss..It's gone."  I said, "what is?"  He said, "my anxiety."  I whispered back, "do you want to tell them?"  He quickly shock his head no.  Enough attention on him for one night.  So we left the church.  He seemed exhausted.  In the car on the way home he opened up.  "Gary it's gone.  It's really really gone!"  Guys let me tell you that boy slept all night.  (something he hasn't done in awhile) He woke up and immediately started fixing all the things he had broken.  He organized his room.  He had been so disorganized for so long.  Those of you who know Bryson know he is a pretty organized boy.  That morning I was a ball of emotions. A little on edge.  Shocked.  Hesitant. and THANKFUL!

Guys for those of you who think praying is not enough are just like I USED to be.  I wanted to get out there and do something concrete!  With my hands..Rough someone up who hurt me..(yes I know) Or lend a hand building something.  Let me tell you..Prayer is Tangible!  Prayer is a mighty sword!  You all are proving that!!!  Look what God is showing you for your obedience to pray for us!! Oh and guess what?  He belly laughed the other day too!  We were telling him the funny faces he was doing when he fell asleep on the couch and when Gary picked him up to take him downstairs he looked at us and clown smiled and started saying "hey..Hey..Hey!"  Just like if any of you are familiar with Sy from Duck Dyansty.  HA! And he was cracking up..A sound we haven't heard in months!


Guys......This Bryson Coming Soon!!!  Can I get an AMEN???

It was the Worst of times..Then the best of times..

Yes folks it was the worst of times and then the best of times..or was it the other way around? Or then again didn't it circle back around and do it all over again?  Lord a mercy folks.  I am speaking of Monday, October 29th.  This was a day I will NEVER forget.  Neither will probably my neighbors and once it's all said and done....Home Depot.  This morning started off like most mornings had turned into starting off as...horrible lately.  A constant battle between Bryson and myself.  A morning I dreaded before I even got up, and a morning I counted the seconds during until Bryson got on the bus.  This is how my life has turned out.  See my husband goes to work very early and Bryson has formed this opinion of myself and his sister and well every woman in his life that we are stupid and annoying and really do not matter (in his words).  Which translate into anger, bitterness, disrespect, and violence.  So when I say I dreaded the mornings I am alone with Bryson and the kids that my dear friends was becoming an under-statement. 

So like I said Gary leaves very early and we have a rule in place in our home that Bryson is not to get out of his room until I come get him in the mornings (he doesn't sleep well because of anxiety and sneaks around).  SO this rule has been in place for a very long time.  If he breaks this rule he is in his room for a longer duration.  Anyway this morning I bet Gary was still in the driveway when I heard Bryson sneaking around upstairs and I busted him.  Well friends that is all it took.  The battle royal was on.  I sent him back to his room and it started.  The disrespect that your mamma would roll over if she witnessed or our grand-mammas would have smacked us silly over.  Now I learned a LONG time ago I could not get fired up when he was this angry.  That would do no good.  So I sent aka dragged his butt to his room and forced him in there to do his time.  Well he wouldn't have it.  I gave him the choice.  Do it now or do it tonight without dinner.  Yes friends I said without dinner!  In our house..dinner with the family has become a privilege that can be taken away.  So he chose the latter.  I finally got him to school.  He missed the bus and I took him myself.  The whole trip I began to speak words of encouragement and love into him.  Now folks talk about needing some powerful prayer!  Lord a mercy.  All I wanted to do was bury that kid...but God gave me truths to say to him and he calmed down and guess what....so did I.  Funny how that worked out.  Venom was spewing from his mouth...venom only an adult (his father)can place in a mind of that child...and God provided me a way to give forth love even when I didn't feel it. Guys I felt beat up and abused myself after that morning.  So guess what my day was like??   Yep dreaded the moment he stepped off his bus.  I knew as a "reformed" parent of 4 years(meaning I don't give in or spoil my children anymore regardless of circumstances or if it's going to be hard cause trust me being consistent is the tougher challenge.  I learned years ago I was not raising happy children nor was that my goal but that's another story for another day) that I could not waver when it came to disciplining my son no matter what the outcome.

So my dear sweet boy got off the bus and wouldn't you know it had a ridiculously fantastic day at school!  Yeah I couldn't believe it either!  He was so happy and out of his mouth came, "I had a great day can I eat dinner?"  My heart sank.  "No," I replied, "you cannot.  You chose to not get to eat dinner by your actions toward me this morning and I have to enforce your decision or I would be a liar."  (that was a good one huh?!)  Oh he didn't think so!  He reached over from where he was sitting and smacked his sister out of nowhere!  I sent him to his room and he wouldn't go.  Folks it got so ugly I can't even describe.  Let's just say I went into protective mode.  I protected my little ones from what Bryson had become until Gary could get home.  He finally got home.  52 long minutes later.  When he got home Bryson had worked himself up into such a destructive state we actually had to isolate him from us to keep him from hurting us and himself.  So we turned his lock on his door around.  Yep we locked his butt in his room.  DO you think that stopped him?  Nah!  He took the slats out from under his bed (because really that's the only thing he has left in his room Dr. Phil style y'all) and used it as an axe and axed his way through that door!!!  Kids this is no movie.  This is what our lives has become!  We cranked the praise music and sat through the worse dinner of our lives as he did this.  We were told this is all we could do.  When we tried to intercede in the past it made things worse.  So we waited in horror.  And prayed and waited and prayed and pretended that everything was okay for Bailey and Brantley's sake.  We finally finished dinner and baths as if we were in a daze.  All the while hearing Bryson make progress on the increasing larger hole in his door.  Finally the screaming and banging stopped.  All we heard was weeping and begging and "I'm sorry." now.  We put the babies to bed and finally went into Bryson's room.  He was sobbing and had asked us why couldn't he just be bad and not be disciplined.  That's when we got to bring out our bible.  Well our smart phone edition. Praise God for that one.  All we had to do was type in discipline and BAM!  God started speaking.
Proverbs 19:18  Discipline your children, for in that there is hope;
    do not be a willing party to their death.
Proverbs 29:17 Discipline your children, and they will give you peace;
    they will bring you the delights you desire.
Hebrews 12:11  No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

It was cool to show him these verses and he then started to calm even further and started weeping...He looked up at us and said clear as day."A voice in my head keeps telling me I am going to Hell." Now Folks that stopped us in our tracks!  We asked him if he ever asked Jesus in his heart and he said no.  I couldn't believe it as much as we have that boy in church..anyway so lo and behold guys that young man made Jesus his Lord and Savior that horrible awful night. As we looked through the Brantley sized hole in the door, he fell asleep that night with a peace on his face I hadn't seen in awhile. He actually woke up the next morning and prayed over his sister to ask Jesus in her heart when she got older.  And guys he was just Baptized this past Sunday by his own choice.  Now are things perfect not even close..will they be..nah.  But we won one for the big guy that night! And it gave us strength to keep fighting another day! Funny how God does that.

Welcome to Team Kangas!

Hey Everyone!  Welcome to our first LOVE4B Blog!  I am soooo excited to launch this blog to keep everyone in the know of all the miracles we are experiencing along our long road to victory!  As they say in Vegas...we are "ALL IN" the good fight for Bryson and we want to thank you all for joining Team Kangas!  Because of the already overwhelming responses with prayer and financial support we were able to schedule a meeting with our attorney for Wednesday and we will be able to retain her!  Praise God!  She is an attorney that goes to our church with a LOT of experience and she has already mapped out our plan earlier this spring.  It is a long plan that will start with transferring jurisdiction to Colorado and serving Bryson's father with emergency paper's to stop visitation for now.  Things have been rough around here for awhile and been steadily declining which lead to this decision.   We never wanted to take him from his father.  Never.  Then we realized his father has taken himself from his son.  By his actions over the course of 7+ years he has taken his own rights away we are just going to get the courts to reinforce it.  Prayerfully in the future these will be restored but that is his concern.  Our concern for Team Kangas is to get Bryson Healed!  We want to see the light back in his eyes.  We want him to be able to be happy without experiencing guilt.  And we will.  You guys have given us so much faith.

Let me tell you Thursday I was in a very dark place.  I have been beaten up mentally and spiritually over the last several months and guys it caught up with me.  We went for prayer to our church with our Core group.  Our Pastor brought in a prophetic ministry team and for those of you who have never experienced that dang yall...it's like a drug!  I mean picture this...(i totally went Sophia from the Golden girls on you) ok so picture this..you get prayer and you get words of encouragement straight from God!  Seriously how can that be bad??  So we did just that!  Guess what was told to us?  We were told by two separate teams of prayer people that they keep seeing TEAM and UNITY!  How cool is that!  TEAM KANGAS!!!  And that our time was NOW! And that I needed to lay down the guilt for not acting until now cause everything happens when it is supposed to. Y'all I was freed of some major darkness that night! And we also got handed a piece of paper with this on it....

Isaiah 49:25b "I will contend with him who contends with you and I WILL save your children!"

Yeah chills are totally normal here!  So guess who else joined Team Kangas???  Oh yeah The Big Guy!  Who doesn't want to be on THAT team??  Yep and that was my total ploy to get y'all to join in and get your friends to follow this story that I will update frequently.  I love to write..well I should say God loves to write through me these days.  We love you and will sign off for now!   I will leave you with this teaser..My next post will tell you in detail the worse of times and the best of times all in one night...it includes violence, tears, and a love story..intrigued???

Much Love......

Team Kangas!