PTSD - Not just for soldiers anymore.

Our son is 9 and just this holiday season he was diagnosed with PTSD. He is on his 4th hospital admission since October because his rages are unstoppable. He is finally purging all the gross he has held inside for years and he cannot handle it.  Going through this process with him has educated Gary and I far more than we ever wanted to be on the subject.  I am sure that is true with all families who love someone with PTSD.  See we know that Bryson's trauma events are in his past...he does not.  When the memories come they come and they are HIS present.  We as a family live day to day hour to hour and sometimes minute by minute.  It is a constant guessing game.  What set him off this time?  Will he be able to use his coping skills and de-escalate this time?  Will we have to go back to the hospital?  It is a reality we are forced to accept even if we don't want to.  He is the one who lived through the horror and continues to and will until he gets all the help we can seek..all the healing that will come...and shines the light on every last inch of darkness deep within. 

You know as I sat in the intake room last Friday at the hospital re-admitting Bryson for the fourth time, Arapahoe High School just down the road was under fire.  It's ironic in the sense that as more details emerge about the kid who took his own life, it was apparent he has some things in his life that could be considered red flags by some.  I am writing this message today to mostly BEG you parents to pay attention to your kids.  Know who they hang out with.  Know what they read, play, watch.  Be a pest not their best friend.  Parenting doesn't let up when they enter grade school..it gets more active.  Bryson started his obsession with death when he was four.  He talked about it drew pictures of it, and asked to play war games.  Now I even had teachers and a trained Psychiatrist tell us this was normal boy behavior. Guess what? We listened to our gut not them.  We observed..we pushed..and provided a safe place for Bryson..and 5 years later he is revealing the horror he has endured since he was 4 years old explaining why death was always on his mind.  Also, to a teenager a traumatic event could look like something trivial to us as adults.  Such as a breakup, not getting the part in a school play, or a friend moving away.  I pray for you as parents for wisdom as you raise your children and humility to get them help if they need it.  God tells us to be thankful for hard situations and I can tell you we are certainly in a hard situation.  I do thank God out of obedience right now but He is quick to show me the progress already.

We are still Team Kangas and we move forward together with nothing but Hope.  Hope in the bible is also defined as strong and confident expectation.   We expect full healing that will come with time for Bryson.  Love you all and Merry Christmas!

Us

ARE YOU SITTING DOWN TEAM KANGAS???

Oh Team Kangas...What a day...a month..a YEAR!  It was less than a year ago today that we decided to go "ALL IN" on a what we thought would be a long drawn out fight on behalf of Bryson and the abuse he has gone through in the past.  This past March we were denied to even be heard in a court of law by a judge here. We were devastated but KNEW God was bigger than this world and let me tell you by how much! Well yesterday that same judge granted the signed order by my ex-husband giving us all decision making for Bryson, zero summer visitation unless it happen on Colorado soil and that being one weekend at a time, Bryson's father must attend and complete anger management and counseling AND parenting classes, he must also attend counseling via phone with our therapist here once Bryson is healthy enough to go through that, and Bryson will only have visitation here in Colorado with his father until all of the above is completed with the exception of Christmas and Spring Break.

Now folks let me break this down for you...this is nothing short of a MIRACLE!!  If you speak to people who have tried to go down this road the judicial system unfortunately makes it virtually impassable!  People who have tried have spent years and hundreds of thousands of dollars only to fail.  I mean even as I write this testimony I cannot believe it.  I do believe I am in shock.  Last night we studied Gideon's battle in church.  How bizarre it was and how Gideon had 300 men armed with torches and trumpets and defeated 100 thousand by being obedient.  See they didn't have swords.  the army had God.  They were obedient and raised those torches even as weird as that seemed and as scared as they probably were.  They blew the trumpets of victory before the battle had even begun!  Those enemies then turned the sword on themselves.  Gideon and his army never even had to fight! Seriously...Look at the similarities!  We were going to be defeated..and then Bryson's dad turned the sword on himself and gave up and that judge granted what he originally denied and we NEVER stepped into a single court room!  Celebrate with us please...we could NOT have done any of this without all of you and your prayers!!!!!! 

Hit your knees with thanksgiving!  And pray for Bryson's dad to follow through with what he agreed to.  All in all we just want him healed too so Bryson and him have a chance at a healthy whole relationship because honestly THAT is the very best scenario possible! 

LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!

Sorry Guys...Yes....Size DOES matter!

I'm talking about all sorts of things too...Guns, trucks, heck even pizza! But today I want to specifically talk about the support you guys...Team Kangas have show us over the past few months!  I mean I do not know were we would be without a couple of things.  First God in Heaven..His ever tender Mercy when we screw up and His loving arms to fall in when we are just done with this fallen world, and His strength to pick us back up and push us forward to fight another day.  Next..Humility.  I think this gift from God that has taken me years to learn and still learn is amazing.  Humility has gotten me further in the last few months than I have ever imagined.  I am learning, stubbornly, to ask for help when I need it.  I am actually BEGGING for prayers from everyone I know.  I am also lowering my head to God and accepting that I cannot do this journey alone.  Which takes me to my next point.  YOU...Team Kangas!  You are amazing!!!  Your support for our family through prayers and the letters for Bryson..which HE LOVES!!!  Even the financial support has been overwhelming!!!  When I get down and fearful I just think about the gifts from God...That is YOU Team Kangas...Gifts from God..and those things float away.  Even if it's brief or for days.  You guys do that!  THAT my friends is HUGE!!  SO guys...when a woman tells you size doesn't matter..she be lyin'!!  :-)  Size is huge!  The faith and support that you guys have shown us has been huge and without it we could not have functioned!!  We love you so very much! 

And now I am going to reach out again!  Tomorrow I meet with our attorney to sign all the orders.  Friday we file them.  Next week we are in court.  Whew!  Yeah here we go folks!  Hold on!!!  And we need those prayers now more than ever..for our legal team, the judge, Gary and I, and Bryson, and even his father Travis.  We love you guys!!

A little Dity Bout Me....

Happy New Year to All!  May it be a Challenging God Led New year filled with lots of laughter and love!!  I felt led today to change gears and talk about me a little bit.  I had to write about an experience I had this past Sunday.  A couple of weeks ago I was working through a worksheet for a bible study I am in.  This bible study is all about deep healing.  Not physical healing but emotional healing.  The worksheet I was doing was pick a painful event from your past and write down how it made you feel and invite God into your healing process. That's it.  No magical poof and you are better just simply right down your feelings and invite God in to begin to work in that particular event.  Sounds fun?  Oh yeah..Not really!  Many times when we dig up old things it brings back the hurt just as much as when it first happens.  Anyway I chose to work through how it made me feel when my mother left my father many many years ago. I was surprised when I did it that I had always felt because she left that I thought she never wanted to be a mother so because of that lie I would never be a good mother.  That I would never have maternal instincts.  That because she left I didn't have them in me.  I even started remembering that I would tell people all the time that children hated me and I don't have maternal instincts.  I would never have children.  Well we all know that yes I do have children.  Three of them. ANYWAY...so I did this worksheet and invited God into healing that pain.  Of course I didn't feel anything but the pain but trusted the process. 

So this past Sunday was my weekend to work with the two year olds.  I volunteer at my church once a month.  Not because I ever really want to but because I feel since I have 3 in childcare I figure it is my duty!  HA!  Again no maternal instinct and kids come on "THEY HATE ME!"  So I was sitting on the floor waiting for kids to come in.  We only had two at the time and the little door open and this little girl I had only seen once runs from her dad and into my arms.  She gave me the best bear hug in the world.  Then grabbed a book and plopped down in my lap and said read!  Pretty soon I had about three others around waiting to see what was on the next page. I was thinking that was weird.  Then off to the play park and we had a new little girl by that time and if her mommy was going to abandon her in this horrible new place then I would do as a replacement.  And she sat with me for a good 10 minutes until she mustered up her courage and figured out the play park was a pretty cool place after all.  (and just to make you parents feel better..the whole I'm gonna cry because you left me is purely an act.  Of course they miss you but they really wanna see how long they can string you along and keep you from missing your mommy time in worship or running errands etc. and make you feel guilty.  9 times out of 10 they stop crying the moment they figure out you aren't coming immediately back and that is usually before you are even out of sight. Clever little things!  :-)   Then in worship and story time I was sitting on the floor with the kids and looked around and realized again I had about three children all snuggled into me. These were kids I didn't even know that well. Guess what happened next? I heard that tug in my heart say..."See those were all lies this whole time.  Look what you can do by just being present with my children.  You love them and they love you.  THAT is why you are here volunteering.  Yes you have a maternal instinct that I gave you and NO ONE can take away."  What a day!!  What a class.

I felt led to share this with you because it just fuels our fight for Bryson.  Not just in the court rooms.  Yes my divorce happened and he will have questions and heartache from that for probably a VERY long time and we are choosing NOW to get him the help and protection and healing he needs through church, therapy, doctors, stable environment, court action if warranted...anything we need to do to raise him up healthy and whole.  This letter is for encouragement that any age anything is possible to invite God in to stomp out the lies.  Heck my mother divorced my father when I was 7 years old. And last time I checked this past Sunday I was 34 and still realizing the lies the enemy told me way back when.  Someone told me recently that we hear three voices in our head....ours, God's and the enemies.  To me the enemy speaks loudest so is easiest to hear.  God whispers so I really have to take time and listen.  Know that you are beautiful, you are a great mother and father, you are loved by God no matter what you do but who you are, that He made you in His image and He is perfect, that you are capable of anything. I will tell you I do not blame my mother for my feelings..those are mine that I made my reality but God is making them my story.  I won't take them back either even if I could.  These things we grow from.  But I can tell you we are doing everything we can to quiet those lies with Bryson and let him know he is loved and made in God's image.  Seek healing people for anything...God wants us whole!  Wonder what this year will hold guys?  I look forward to walking this journey with each of you! Happy Happy New Year!!!!

Much Much Love, Lindsey K. 

So do you think Jesus likes to Spoon?

 Got your attention?  :-)  I am opening with today's excerpt from my daily devotional Jesus Calling!  It is written as if Jesus is directly talking to you backed by scripture below.  Enjoy!


I am working on your behalf!  Bring me all your concerns, including your dreams.  Talk with Me about everything, letting the Light of My Presence shine on your hopes and plans.  Spend time allowing My Light to infuse your dreams with life, gradually transforming them into reality.  This is the very practical way of collaborating with Me.  I, the Creator of the Universe, have designed to co-create with you.  Do not try and hurry this process.  If you want to work with Me, you have to accept My time frame.  Hurry is not in My nature.  Abraham and Sarah had to wait many years for the fulfillment of My promise, a son.  How their long wait intensified their enjoyment of their child!  Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, perceiving as real fact what is not revealed in the senses. Psalm 36:9, Genesis 21:1-7, Hebrews 11:1

How great is that??  Or how frustrating???  HA!  Depending how long in your "wait" you are huh? 5 minutes..not so bad...5 days..nah...5 years..Where are you God???  It's hard!  I think we are in our 5th year in the midst of Category 5 Hurricane Bryson.  It calms and then rages..and then rages again..Now....finally...we are in this place where we are in utter dependence on the Lord.  Got told yesterday our case isn't priority...Huge Wave.  Looking for flights to send Bryson to his father's for Christmas...Crash..Wave to the face.  Well we finally surrendered to Jesus sleeping in our boat and have taken up residence next to him..Pulled up that comfy pillow and are trying to get a little shut eye ourselves.  Gonna make a Jesus sandwich!  HA! Right there in the middle of our "wait" and the middle of our raging storm!    Praise God for Him sleeping in that boat!  Now I may need a little Benadryl to help me sleep..But that's okay!  I consider you guys my Benadryl..Constant prayer my Benadryl...Crying and leaning on God my Benadryl but guys I am sleeping finally and waiting...  It's nice over here!  Whatever happens Jesus is sleeping so he isn't worried so why should I.  I have a promise of victory and of healing and it will be worth the wait! 


Love you guys and hope you have a great wave less day...but if they come..put on one of those awesome dollar tree ponchos and get a little wet.  God's got ya!


HUGS

Take down your No Soliciting Sign just for me

Hey Guys!  Hope everyone is doing well!  We are doing exceptionally well considering and reflecting where we were just a few short weeks ago.  It's actually amazing.  Okay so I am soliciting your prayers in a BIG way.
Legal UPDATE:  So in order for us to proceed here with our legal stuff all of my paperwork, i.e divorce papers, orders to relocate to Colorado must be "moved" to Colorado jurisdiction. So in order to do that we have to send off for exemplified documents from Florida (a nightmare) and file them in Colorado.  Well some good news.  Our attorney in Florida, when she drafted our orders to relocate, inserted a little statement saying jurisdiction now moves with the child and both his father and myself signed off on this back in September of 2011.  SO.........it all comes down to one person.  Will this judge allow this paperwork as sufficient enough to move jurisdiction without having to jump through the hoops of serving the paperwork and waiting the 30 days. 

So I ask that you pray for God's will to work.  I ask that you pray for us to be strong whatever that will be. I ask if we get this order and go before the Judge we have the evidence needed to move forward with the emergency stop. I ask for you to pray for protection if Bryson has to go this Christmas.  I ask for you to pray that if Bryson has to go that Bryson is the influence this time NOT his father!  That Christ works through him!  That his father sees the change in Bryson and is influenced in a positive way.  This break will be only 6 short days if it happens...IF.  We serve a mighty God and we are obedient in whatever comes our way..it is our strength and our journey.  You guys are a part of it. 

Let me just tell you one more Praise report...  So we were meeting our attorney and preparing our evidence when we have to go before a judge because guys literally when we file this emergency order we can be sitting before a judge the Very next day! SO she says to us after hearing everything, "this stuff is all well and good but we need someone outside of you guys linking this with his father, or the judge could say maybe it's you guys."  Nice huh?  Anyway Bryson has been seeing this therapist.  He formed such a tight bond with him almost immediately.  (He has since referred him to a specialist but we continue to see him in tandem because of this bond)Now before we started seeing him we signed a little paper saying he would never testify in court on behalf of any client. And yes I did say we signed that! Anyway guess who Bryson has chosen to open up to the most...Yep good ole Mr. Therapist!  From telling him that he is fearful of his father to His father tells him women are dumb!  Bryson's new therapist hasn't reached a deep level of connection with him mainly because she is a women and lo and behold there are ZERO male Psychologists that specialize in children wouldn't you know it.  Anyway so our attorney says we really need this part of the missing puzzle. 

Now Bryson had an appointment with his therapist that following Saturday and Gary and I started praying about this.  gary said I am just going to ask him for a letter.  I said heck it wouldn't hurt.  God is bigger than this or any piece of paper we signed anyway right?  HA!  yeah we were both very skeptical..but we knew basically our whole emergency order hinged on this very thing.  So Saturday rolled around and we prayed about this letter and then prayer well if it doesn't work out God you must have another plan.  Gary came home an hour later and said "he's gonna do it!"  And guys I had that letter in my Inbox in a matter of 1 hour!!!  You guys this was another miracle!!!!  This therapist was so set on this policy!!!  AMAZING!!!!

We love you guys so much!  Forward this blog to as many as will read!  We need and solicit for prayers!!  Thanks for everything!!!!

Pssss...It's Gone.

"Psssss.It's Gone."  Words I will NEVER forget hearing on Tuesday, November 20th. 

Hope everyone had a Wonderful Thanksgiving!  We have SOOO much to be thankful for this year!  Number one we are so very thankful for the Prayer support we are receiving from people all over this country!!  What mighty warriors you are!  And boy is God hearing!  Do NOT stop!  That is an Order Team Kangas!  Also Many Thanks to the outpouring of overwhelming financial support as well!  What a mighty God we serve!!  May each of you be blessed!

You know every other Tuesday our church offers a Ministry called The Healing Rooms.  You go and tell people what you want prayer for and a team prays for you.  Pretty simple.  Well I had taken Bryson to this before.  Didn't seem to work that well.  The next time it came around HE asked to go.  I said okay.   We got to the church and got called back to our room to be with our assigned team.  It was a team of four.  They immediately sat down to get on Bryson's level and he sank into me so far I thought he was trying to become invisible!  He was very very shy.  They made sure they respected him and asked him if they could pray over him.  He of course said yes.  Immediately they started praying words of encouragement and words of affirmation.  They also started praying words to break generations curses.  They prayed over his mind and set his anger free.  They prayed for him to be filled with peace and rest.  Now this all lasted about 45 minutes.  And towards the end of this awesome prayer session he leaned over and whispered..."Pssss..It's gone."  I said, "what is?"  He said, "my anxiety."  I whispered back, "do you want to tell them?"  He quickly shock his head no.  Enough attention on him for one night.  So we left the church.  He seemed exhausted.  In the car on the way home he opened up.  "Gary it's gone.  It's really really gone!"  Guys let me tell you that boy slept all night.  (something he hasn't done in awhile) He woke up and immediately started fixing all the things he had broken.  He organized his room.  He had been so disorganized for so long.  Those of you who know Bryson know he is a pretty organized boy.  That morning I was a ball of emotions. A little on edge.  Shocked.  Hesitant. and THANKFUL!

Guys for those of you who think praying is not enough are just like I USED to be.  I wanted to get out there and do something concrete!  With my hands..Rough someone up who hurt me..(yes I know) Or lend a hand building something.  Let me tell you..Prayer is Tangible!  Prayer is a mighty sword!  You all are proving that!!!  Look what God is showing you for your obedience to pray for us!! Oh and guess what?  He belly laughed the other day too!  We were telling him the funny faces he was doing when he fell asleep on the couch and when Gary picked him up to take him downstairs he looked at us and clown smiled and started saying "hey..Hey..Hey!"  Just like if any of you are familiar with Sy from Duck Dyansty.  HA! And he was cracking up..A sound we haven't heard in months!


Guys......This Bryson Coming Soon!!!  Can I get an AMEN???